Ok so there’s a chick or cock you fancy at the coop. He or she might know you exist, a few bits of banter might have been exchanged, but you need to find out if they are single and, importantly if they return your interest. But – without creating an embarrassing scenario where for months you have to hide behind the nearest pot plant every time they are within ten feet of you.
The big trick is to engineer a less formal situation where subjects like partners, things in common, likes and dislikes, can come up naturally. Your mission is to be next to them at a social event – there should be loads of them coming up in the festive season. And should you accept said mission, here are Muckle Hen’s top tips for feathering the nest for romance.
1) Do your research. Can you be pals with them on Facebook? Can you be pals with pals of theirs on Facebook, and stalk them incognito? (If you get them to be friends with us at Muckle Hen, we could act as a helpful go-between…) Can you find an office ally who knows them? You can be casually candid with a friend of theirs – and even if it gets back to them, no-one minds hearing that someone thinks they’re fit.
2) Keep your eyes peeled: Try and be in the same place at the same time. If there’s a communal coffee room or canteen, try to synchronise your trip, so that you’re innocently waiting for the kettle to boil together, or standing next to them in the photocopy queue…
3) Have something to talk about prepared – don’t just improvise and find yourself gabbling endlessly about toner. Ask their advice about something– this is where research comes in handy. If you can work in a reference to your ex, that will help them realise that you’re single and what your sexual orientation is. If they respond with their relationship status, then you’re definitely in!
4) Accidentally leave something behind, which they have to bring to you – particularly appropriate in the photocopying scenario. If it’s something funny or personal like a photograph (but maybe not a photocopy of your arse) that can increase the chances of a connection – and if it has your email or phone number on it, even better!
5) If all else fails, get appallingly drunk at the Christmas party and pin them up against the mistletoe. Confidence is always attractive. And if it’s not, you can just deny all knowledge in the new year and never speak of it again. Your secret is safe with us.
***Muckle hen does not accept responsibility for the consequences of this full-proof system.
